This piece is certainly a gift to your mom and all who knew her James, a wise and profound seeing of the human who was your mother, but it's also a tutorial and inspiration for those of us who still have our parents about how to appreciate the time we have that remains with them. The parts that detail the specifics of caring moved me most. I'm sure there is no way I could possibly enumerate all the forms of caring and noticing that were exacted by my parents for my benefit from times I can't consciously recall, but when I feel the urge to care for others I know it's the caring I received that is reaching right through to further generations. As they say, it's impossible to repay the debt we owe our parents, but caring forward is probably the closest we can come.
Rick, I so appreciate you. You embody Mother Theresa AND Muhammad Ali, in that you do small things AND great things, with great love.
"a tutorial and inspiration for those of us who still have our parents about how to appreciate the time we have that remains with them." Thank you for calling this out. Because of my mom's slow glideslope with dementia over about fifteen years, we valued, and appreciated time with her, creating even more of it early on. And that's what we're all most grateful for.
And "carrying it forward is the closest we come" is the PERFECT embodiment of love and caring and honor for what our parents gave for us and did for us.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and being a hallmark of caring to soooo many, including your mom, and your family.
My pleasure and thank you James. As an additional note about your essay, I was struck by the skill and competency of your writing, especially knowing you've not had a lot of time as of late to exercise the word-craft habit. There's a natural authenticity, creative spark, and refreshing uniqueness to your voice that is a pleasure to experience James, and for the sake of one and all, I hope you continue to find opportunities to express it.
Rick, thank you for sharing this with me. It's been a while since I peeked at Write Hearted, and I saw several others have been out of the loop a bit too. The community is an oasis for us and you're our leader and caretaker. Thank you for being an opening for us and steadfast in your commitment to us word-crafters. I'm hugely grateful.
James, what a beautiful and moving dedication to your mother. I’m often astounded by how many quiet angels surround us each day—people who carry out the smallest and humblest acts with the greatest love. Your words capture that truth so powerfully. And ultimately, what better legacy could there be?
Rachel, Thank you for taking the time to comment and to offer the perfect metaphor - quiet angels surrounding us. It's funny, I carry around hundreds of little missives said by many people inside of me, and it wasn't until my mom passed that I connected Mother Theresa's words to my mom. Yet she was the perfect embodiment of them.
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your mother. This is such a poignant, loving tribute that I feel like I’ve known her for a long while.
In my mind, I’m giving her a big hug and saying thank you for taking care of your family so well and loving you all so deeply. She helped shape a truly kind and loving son in you. I can’t imagine she could be any more proud of you.
Deepest condolences. Thank you for sharing these stories. I feel honored to have witnessed these glimpses into her life and yours.
You asked for stories of our loved ones. My life changed the instant my mom took her last breath. It was one way before, and different ever since. It’s been over 7 years and I’m still adjusting.
I hope you’re surrounded by loved ones and that you give yourself the time and space you need to grieve. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” This is universal. It transcends any theology. You also will be comforted.
Oh, Kathy, how wonderful to see and hear from you. This: "It was one way before, and different ever since" says it all - and could be the title of a piece from you someday 😊
Yes, that's the way it is. I've thought of you many times recently as I have been - for several months now, working on the piece about my father. I've been writing and rewriting, and scrapping and putting it back together for months. A few weeks back I asked myself, why has this not come together yet? And then my mom passed and I had my answer - it wasn't time in the world for it yet - it would have been the second piece I'd written on dad, and none on my mom yet. She needed to be honored first. I so love discovering why things are the way they are when my logic and ego doesn't understand in the moment. ❤
I intend to get reconnected in the community soon - and thank you for always being there for me. I'm deeply grateful.
It’s wonderful that you have this clarity on the timing of your piece about your dad. I’m sure we’ll all look forward to it.
“I so love discovering why things are the way thru are when my logic and ego doesn’t understand in the moment.” Me too!! It’s one of my greatest wonders and enjoyments here.
Glad to hear you’re intending to jump back into WH.
Oh James, I'm so sorry for your loss. What a great tribute. This was full of heart, full of caring. I mean that, to me, seems to be the best legacy she left...to pass her caring onto her children, and with your words, and with how consistently you care about others, I can say her legacy is well-kept.
This was hard to read in the very best way. May be all be so lucky to have someone like your Mom in our lives, and may we be so lucky to be remembered by someone like you.
Camilo, oh my, what a cup-filling message back to me. I've found myself saying recently that my mom was an easy subject to write about - give who she was/is, and given the emotion flowing through me as I reflected on her. I appreciate your kind words about her legacy being well-kept. That means a lot - as I endeavor to pass the same on to my kids.
So good to hear from you and appreciate you reading. Much love to you, pal. ~James
James, this is such an extraordinary tribute to someone who was – and always will be – a wonderful person. Simply looking at all the comments that you've received thus far tells us that she raised you right, and that her time on this Earth touched many, many lives, probably far more than you'd ever guess. The icon associated with "On Money and Meaning" is a heart, and, based on your essay, I've no doubt that this has been a North Star in your life, a North Star that is a product of your mother's love.
Your wordsmithing here, in and of itself, is extraordinary. And as a side note, I appreciate how you manage to tie in this loving tribute with the theme of your Substack page with the insightful title: "Her Divine Dividend."
Larry, I made a joke at Mom's COL that by naming her piece the way I did, I could write off the trip to her service - since I'm an investment advisor :)
James even at this sad yet joyous tribute to mom, I can see the love and care you had for her. This is beautiful and has brought tears to my eyes.
One thing (amongst many) that I miss about my Mom is her letters and cards. Out of the blue I'd get a funny card in the mail with the words "Saw this and thought of you. Love always, Mom. ". Lord only knows how much I miss her!
Dana, thank you for taking the time to write and share what you did. Back in the day of our mothers, handwriting cards and messages WAS one of the key ways they extended their love. I would get the same thing as you did, while at college, and even living in the same hometown afterwards. Such a lovely small thing, with great love. 💕
It’s our opportunity to carry that forward to others which I suspect you do too.
Dear James, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s death. Sending you, your siblings Tom, Katy and Libby, your aunt Sara, and your family my deepest condolences.
This is an extraordinary piece of writing. I am simply in awe of the skill and tenderness with which you pay tribute to your mom. Many passages stand out. These in particular:
“Mom wasn’t her milestones. She was underneath them. She was between them. She was in them—her one-of-kind special thread running from her family of origin, into her husband, through her kids, outward to her friends, and beyond to all she touched.”
“We carry love inside us—we can hold it and let it warm us. But caring? It’s hard to hold. Caring is love’s motion. It’s love made visible. Unlike love, we can’t care and stay still for long.”
“Mom’s caring spent ten more minutes in the aisle of the store, picking just the right birthday card. Her caring wrote the heartfelt message inside. Her caring called friends, time and again, just because.”
Oh, Simon, thank you. I've missed you being on the outside of our community looking in for the past several months. Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment back. It's funny I've been writing a lot these past four-five months but publishing nothing, as I couldn't get anything across the finish line. Then mom comes along and passes away, and I'm on the clock for her obituary and eulogy, There's nothing like the right subject and a deadline for focus. Thank you for the compliment. You saying the piece was tender was high praise. That's what I was aiming for. I look forward to being in better touch with you. I trust you've been well. - James
James-I think this is a wonderful tribute to your mother. She was also a big part of our lives as Anne said at her service on Sunday. I have nothing but excellent memories of holidays spent with your family, and your Mom was quite the character -Great memories!!! You, Tom, Sarah, and Katie did a great job with her send off and I was really impressed with this excellent very eloquent tribute you wrote. We both have had a very privileged upbringing you know. Anyway, I always considered the Baileys to be part of our extended family I do hope we can stay in touch and I am glad you're doing so well in Boise.
Kent, thank you for taking the time to respond. The think about the Toland's and the Bailey's is that I'm not sure where one family stopped and the other started. So many great holidays together - so much laughter and wry humor. Sharon is the matriarch of us all now. I look forward to staying in touch. Much love to you all. - James
I am so sorry for your loss! It is obvious that you were very blessed to have a mother who was not only a loving, caring parent, but also a special human being.
Our generation seems to be losing too many parents to dementia. It is my challenge to remember my mother before dementia slowly stole her from our family. Your beautiful reflection helped remind me that all the years before dementia are so much MORE than the years after. Thank you for that!
I wish you and your family strength and resilience during this difficult time!
Loys, such a pleasure seeing your name pop up. Thank you for taking the time to share back. with us, like you and your mom, there were many wonderful years before dementia took her mental faculties. And yet, her love and caring carried her until the end. I hope you are well and Big hugs from Boise!
My prayers are for you and your family. I was captivated by your reflection, your progression, your prose. A meandering through scenes from prize fighters and saints. Walking with the memory of your mother.
I had a similar experience last year when my mother passed. I was charged with the eulogy. The milestones alone didn't feel right. I didn't know how to write about it at the time. In many ways I will still need to meditate on, this piece was very healing for me.
Thank you for sharing something so personal, so deep, for sharing your great wealth, in a story. It was of a flavor that reminded me how the Lord speaks. Those divine dividends, you are already reinvesting. May the Lord be near you and may He ever be your consolation, hope, and peace.
Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. -Proverbs 23:25
Steven - so good to hear from you and I don't need to try and express to you what an odd feeling it is to not have a mother present in our lives. And I also wouldn't try to explain to you of all people, how our mother's are omnipresent still, even though they are not physically here. Thank you for the kind words about the essay and also for sharing Proverbs 23:35. ❤ I look forward to connecting with you sometime soon again. - James
As I see you...and you know I *see* people differently than most as I have the ability to see auras. While I never met your mother, I can see an echo of her energy through this picture of her. What I see is the same silver/gold gossamer thread that I see in you. Perhaps that is the color of caring that you write about.
Teri, such a beautiful image. Thank you for contributing a perspective so meaningful itself, and so colorful. I won't forget that. I'm grateful for you and thank you for your comments on the rough draft of the piece several days ago. 💖
Beautiful message that captures well a beautiful woman. Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. I felt like I really got to know your Mom in just a five minute read. Much better than a standard obituary. This also helps explain you and the caring person and servant leader you are - your Mom and Dad surely live on in you and your family.
Oh Rich...where to start. I apprecaite the compliment and when I think of the servant leaders who inspire me, the first person I think of after my parents is you. The life we live is the lesson we teach and you personify that in loving and caring ways. I'm grateful we both care for each other as well as many many others. Big hugs to you and G.
Sorry to read of your mother's death, James. Thanks for sharing your tribute to her here. "Mom wasn’t her milestones. She was underneath them. She was between them." That's how I felt when my own mother died. At her funeral we read poetry, short anecdotes, shared memories of all the ways she had cared for people and for animals, all creatures great and small.
HI Wendy, thank you for taking the time to comment. I love reading how your mom cared for people and animals. My mom and dad took a lot of trips in their retirement. When they'd return from their adventures, dad would always talk about what they saw - and mom would always talk about the people they met. She couldn't "care" for a statue, she could "care" for a person. So she sought them out. Again, thank you.
Absolutely stunning, James. I’m so sorry for your loss. What a testament to a great lady with a big soul. I may never have known her, but it’s clear she raised a wonderful son. That deep caring lives on in you. The Ali quote will stay with me - let’s keep paying our rent.
John, I'm glad you thought so. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me. It's been a pleasure going back and forth with you today. Take good care, - James
This piece is certainly a gift to your mom and all who knew her James, a wise and profound seeing of the human who was your mother, but it's also a tutorial and inspiration for those of us who still have our parents about how to appreciate the time we have that remains with them. The parts that detail the specifics of caring moved me most. I'm sure there is no way I could possibly enumerate all the forms of caring and noticing that were exacted by my parents for my benefit from times I can't consciously recall, but when I feel the urge to care for others I know it's the caring I received that is reaching right through to further generations. As they say, it's impossible to repay the debt we owe our parents, but caring forward is probably the closest we can come.
Rick, I so appreciate you. You embody Mother Theresa AND Muhammad Ali, in that you do small things AND great things, with great love.
"a tutorial and inspiration for those of us who still have our parents about how to appreciate the time we have that remains with them." Thank you for calling this out. Because of my mom's slow glideslope with dementia over about fifteen years, we valued, and appreciated time with her, creating even more of it early on. And that's what we're all most grateful for.
And "carrying it forward is the closest we come" is the PERFECT embodiment of love and caring and honor for what our parents gave for us and did for us.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and being a hallmark of caring to soooo many, including your mom, and your family.
My pleasure and thank you James. As an additional note about your essay, I was struck by the skill and competency of your writing, especially knowing you've not had a lot of time as of late to exercise the word-craft habit. There's a natural authenticity, creative spark, and refreshing uniqueness to your voice that is a pleasure to experience James, and for the sake of one and all, I hope you continue to find opportunities to express it.
Rick, thank you for sharing this with me. It's been a while since I peeked at Write Hearted, and I saw several others have been out of the loop a bit too. The community is an oasis for us and you're our leader and caretaker. Thank you for being an opening for us and steadfast in your commitment to us word-crafters. I'm hugely grateful.
James, what a beautiful and moving dedication to your mother. I’m often astounded by how many quiet angels surround us each day—people who carry out the smallest and humblest acts with the greatest love. Your words capture that truth so powerfully. And ultimately, what better legacy could there be?
Rachel, Thank you for taking the time to comment and to offer the perfect metaphor - quiet angels surrounding us. It's funny, I carry around hundreds of little missives said by many people inside of me, and it wasn't until my mom passed that I connected Mother Theresa's words to my mom. Yet she was the perfect embodiment of them.
Quiet Angels indeed.
Thank you again.
James,
I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your mother. This is such a poignant, loving tribute that I feel like I’ve known her for a long while.
In my mind, I’m giving her a big hug and saying thank you for taking care of your family so well and loving you all so deeply. She helped shape a truly kind and loving son in you. I can’t imagine she could be any more proud of you.
Deepest condolences. Thank you for sharing these stories. I feel honored to have witnessed these glimpses into her life and yours.
You asked for stories of our loved ones. My life changed the instant my mom took her last breath. It was one way before, and different ever since. It’s been over 7 years and I’m still adjusting.
I hope you’re surrounded by loved ones and that you give yourself the time and space you need to grieve. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” This is universal. It transcends any theology. You also will be comforted.
Sending much love to you and your family.
Oh, Kathy, how wonderful to see and hear from you. This: "It was one way before, and different ever since" says it all - and could be the title of a piece from you someday 😊
Yes, that's the way it is. I've thought of you many times recently as I have been - for several months now, working on the piece about my father. I've been writing and rewriting, and scrapping and putting it back together for months. A few weeks back I asked myself, why has this not come together yet? And then my mom passed and I had my answer - it wasn't time in the world for it yet - it would have been the second piece I'd written on dad, and none on my mom yet. She needed to be honored first. I so love discovering why things are the way they are when my logic and ego doesn't understand in the moment. ❤
I intend to get reconnected in the community soon - and thank you for always being there for me. I'm deeply grateful.
It’s wonderful that you have this clarity on the timing of your piece about your dad. I’m sure we’ll all look forward to it.
“I so love discovering why things are the way thru are when my logic and ego doesn’t understand in the moment.” Me too!! It’s one of my greatest wonders and enjoyments here.
Glad to hear you’re intending to jump back into WH.
Oh James, I'm so sorry for your loss. What a great tribute. This was full of heart, full of caring. I mean that, to me, seems to be the best legacy she left...to pass her caring onto her children, and with your words, and with how consistently you care about others, I can say her legacy is well-kept.
This was hard to read in the very best way. May be all be so lucky to have someone like your Mom in our lives, and may we be so lucky to be remembered by someone like you.
Camilo, oh my, what a cup-filling message back to me. I've found myself saying recently that my mom was an easy subject to write about - give who she was/is, and given the emotion flowing through me as I reflected on her. I appreciate your kind words about her legacy being well-kept. That means a lot - as I endeavor to pass the same on to my kids.
So good to hear from you and appreciate you reading. Much love to you, pal. ~James
James, this is such an extraordinary tribute to someone who was – and always will be – a wonderful person. Simply looking at all the comments that you've received thus far tells us that she raised you right, and that her time on this Earth touched many, many lives, probably far more than you'd ever guess. The icon associated with "On Money and Meaning" is a heart, and, based on your essay, I've no doubt that this has been a North Star in your life, a North Star that is a product of your mother's love.
Your wordsmithing here, in and of itself, is extraordinary. And as a side note, I appreciate how you manage to tie in this loving tribute with the theme of your Substack page with the insightful title: "Her Divine Dividend."
My deepest condolences.
Larry, I made a joke at Mom's COL that by naming her piece the way I did, I could write off the trip to her service - since I'm an investment advisor :)
James even at this sad yet joyous tribute to mom, I can see the love and care you had for her. This is beautiful and has brought tears to my eyes.
One thing (amongst many) that I miss about my Mom is her letters and cards. Out of the blue I'd get a funny card in the mail with the words "Saw this and thought of you. Love always, Mom. ". Lord only knows how much I miss her!
Dana, thank you for taking the time to write and share what you did. Back in the day of our mothers, handwriting cards and messages WAS one of the key ways they extended their love. I would get the same thing as you did, while at college, and even living in the same hometown afterwards. Such a lovely small thing, with great love. 💕
It’s our opportunity to carry that forward to others which I suspect you do too.
Thank you again for your comment.
Dear James, I’m so sorry to hear about your mother’s death. Sending you, your siblings Tom, Katy and Libby, your aunt Sara, and your family my deepest condolences.
This is an extraordinary piece of writing. I am simply in awe of the skill and tenderness with which you pay tribute to your mom. Many passages stand out. These in particular:
“Mom wasn’t her milestones. She was underneath them. She was between them. She was in them—her one-of-kind special thread running from her family of origin, into her husband, through her kids, outward to her friends, and beyond to all she touched.”
“We carry love inside us—we can hold it and let it warm us. But caring? It’s hard to hold. Caring is love’s motion. It’s love made visible. Unlike love, we can’t care and stay still for long.”
“Mom’s caring spent ten more minutes in the aisle of the store, picking just the right birthday card. Her caring wrote the heartfelt message inside. Her caring called friends, time and again, just because.”
Oh, Simon, thank you. I've missed you being on the outside of our community looking in for the past several months. Thank you for taking the time to read and to comment back. It's funny I've been writing a lot these past four-five months but publishing nothing, as I couldn't get anything across the finish line. Then mom comes along and passes away, and I'm on the clock for her obituary and eulogy, There's nothing like the right subject and a deadline for focus. Thank you for the compliment. You saying the piece was tender was high praise. That's what I was aiming for. I look forward to being in better touch with you. I trust you've been well. - James
That will be good. I look forward to that very much. Take care.
James-I think this is a wonderful tribute to your mother. She was also a big part of our lives as Anne said at her service on Sunday. I have nothing but excellent memories of holidays spent with your family, and your Mom was quite the character -Great memories!!! You, Tom, Sarah, and Katie did a great job with her send off and I was really impressed with this excellent very eloquent tribute you wrote. We both have had a very privileged upbringing you know. Anyway, I always considered the Baileys to be part of our extended family I do hope we can stay in touch and I am glad you're doing so well in Boise.
Best,
Kent
Kent, thank you for taking the time to respond. The think about the Toland's and the Bailey's is that I'm not sure where one family stopped and the other started. So many great holidays together - so much laughter and wry humor. Sharon is the matriarch of us all now. I look forward to staying in touch. Much love to you all. - James
James,
I am so sorry for your loss! It is obvious that you were very blessed to have a mother who was not only a loving, caring parent, but also a special human being.
Our generation seems to be losing too many parents to dementia. It is my challenge to remember my mother before dementia slowly stole her from our family. Your beautiful reflection helped remind me that all the years before dementia are so much MORE than the years after. Thank you for that!
I wish you and your family strength and resilience during this difficult time!
Loys, such a pleasure seeing your name pop up. Thank you for taking the time to share back. with us, like you and your mom, there were many wonderful years before dementia took her mental faculties. And yet, her love and caring carried her until the end. I hope you are well and Big hugs from Boise!
My prayers are for you and your family. I was captivated by your reflection, your progression, your prose. A meandering through scenes from prize fighters and saints. Walking with the memory of your mother.
I had a similar experience last year when my mother passed. I was charged with the eulogy. The milestones alone didn't feel right. I didn't know how to write about it at the time. In many ways I will still need to meditate on, this piece was very healing for me.
Thank you for sharing something so personal, so deep, for sharing your great wealth, in a story. It was of a flavor that reminded me how the Lord speaks. Those divine dividends, you are already reinvesting. May the Lord be near you and may He ever be your consolation, hope, and peace.
Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. -Proverbs 23:25
Steven - so good to hear from you and I don't need to try and express to you what an odd feeling it is to not have a mother present in our lives. And I also wouldn't try to explain to you of all people, how our mother's are omnipresent still, even though they are not physically here. Thank you for the kind words about the essay and also for sharing Proverbs 23:35. ❤ I look forward to connecting with you sometime soon again. - James
You say caring was Mom's color.
As I see you...and you know I *see* people differently than most as I have the ability to see auras. While I never met your mother, I can see an echo of her energy through this picture of her. What I see is the same silver/gold gossamer thread that I see in you. Perhaps that is the color of caring that you write about.
Teri, such a beautiful image. Thank you for contributing a perspective so meaningful itself, and so colorful. I won't forget that. I'm grateful for you and thank you for your comments on the rough draft of the piece several days ago. 💖
James,
Beautiful message that captures well a beautiful woman. Thanks for writing this and sharing it with us. I felt like I really got to know your Mom in just a five minute read. Much better than a standard obituary. This also helps explain you and the caring person and servant leader you are - your Mom and Dad surely live on in you and your family.
Oh Rich...where to start. I apprecaite the compliment and when I think of the servant leaders who inspire me, the first person I think of after my parents is you. The life we live is the lesson we teach and you personify that in loving and caring ways. I'm grateful we both care for each other as well as many many others. Big hugs to you and G.
Sorry to read of your mother's death, James. Thanks for sharing your tribute to her here. "Mom wasn’t her milestones. She was underneath them. She was between them." That's how I felt when my own mother died. At her funeral we read poetry, short anecdotes, shared memories of all the ways she had cared for people and for animals, all creatures great and small.
HI Wendy, thank you for taking the time to comment. I love reading how your mom cared for people and animals. My mom and dad took a lot of trips in their retirement. When they'd return from their adventures, dad would always talk about what they saw - and mom would always talk about the people they met. She couldn't "care" for a statue, she could "care" for a person. So she sought them out. Again, thank you.
James,
So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your memories with us.
John, thank you so much. I apprecaite it. I hope you are doing well and are having a good summer.
Absolutely stunning, James. I’m so sorry for your loss. What a testament to a great lady with a big soul. I may never have known her, but it’s clear she raised a wonderful son. That deep caring lives on in you. The Ali quote will stay with me - let’s keep paying our rent.
John, thank you again for such a kind comment. I deeply appreciate it, and also treasure our friendship.
This piece is a gift, James. Words fail me now, but I want to thank you so much for sharing.
John, I'm glad you thought so. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me. It's been a pleasure going back and forth with you today. Take good care, - James