“Not unto ourselves are we born” - Cicero (106 BC - 43BC)

Giving thanks for the contributions of others (and yourself)

As I grew up, I felt compelled not only to aspire to great things but to achieve them. To differentiate myself. To land that first job. To make a name for myself through hard work, smarts, and charisma. To notch achievements, earn promotions, and achieve status. To parlay it all into the next job, the next pay raise, the bigger house.

Without thinking about it, I saw my identity and my path in life as essentially self-made.

Somewhere along the way, probably around the age of forty (I wish earlier), I realized that while I had agency over my actions, the line where I stopped and someone else started was much less defined than I thought. Quite blurry, in fact.

Successes at work were achieved through teamwork, not individual contribution. Strong finishes in golf tournaments were two-man best-balls, not individual competitions. Raising kids and running a household, the hardest of all, a two-person tango, not an individual accomplishment

When I took the time to look inside myself, I felt the presence of so many people.

Did my curiosity come from within, or was it influenced by my father's wonderful question-asking quality?

Was my generosity innate, or was it shaped by my college roommate Greg who gave me the gift of deep listening whenever I needed it?

Was my business acumen instinctual – or was it primarily formed by the intelligence of my first boss, Ben?  

Did my capacity to forgive others grow through practice, or did it expand when I became a father?

How much has my capacity to love grown on its own versus being shaped by my wife Karen?

My younger self would have claimed these attributes as my own, or their growth of my solitary making. Today, my humble and mature self sees it differently. The contribution of others has been pouring into me for decades.

I’ve come to realize that in this class project called life, I’ve been, and continue to be, forged by a large student body, of which I’m only a single member. While I’m in charge of my path in life, I’m most certainly not self-made.

And thank God for that.

This Thanksgiving Day, two thousand years after Cicero graced us with his wisdom, join me in giving thanks to the student bodies of our lives – all those who invisibly pour into us and shape who we are and who we are becoming.

Then, after we’ve celebrated the others, let’s give thanks to ourselves – as we, too, pour ourselves into those around us – helping shape who they are and who they are becoming.

Not unto ourselves are we born.

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Author’s Note: On this day of thanks, I planned to publish a piece on forgiveness. After many rewrites, it wasn’t ready.

I forgave myself and went for a run.

While running, it occurred to me I could republish this essay from last Thanksgiving when the

On Money and Meaning

readership was one-tenth of what it is today.

Please feel free to share with others or leave a comment. I’d love to hear from you.

I’m grateful for you all. Happy Thanksgiving 2023.

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